Love or Fear...there is nothing else

I've toyed with the idea for some time that every emotion is rooted in either fear or love. It seems that any emotion you pick, you can dive into it and discover if it is stemming from fear or love. In this life we face hard things and they can generate emotions that we aren't comfortable with. We can experience emotions that make us sick, paralyze us or keep us in a state of low vibrations. On the flip side we can experience feelings that elevate everything for us. Colors may be brighter, we smile more and get what we call the warm and fuzzies.

These are obvious examples of how we respond in our lives based on the emotions that we are feeling. But what about the rest of the time? You are going about your day and nothing stands out. You don't have any irritations or pleasures. You're just taking care of business and getting things done. Are you living from a place of fear or love in those times?

In my opinion, fear or love are not necessarily constants. It is possible to just "be" in time without emotional stimulation. It is the times where powerful emotions drive our decisions, behavior and mental health that I am talking about. It is when we realize that our lives are being affected by the feeling permeating our bodies, that I suggest we dive deeper and find out what is really going on.

This blog is about Love, Loss and Rebirth. My life story is peppered by tremendous loss. My life is, and has been, blessed with lots of love. I am in the Rebirth stage of my story. Five years after I lost my husband I decided I was ready to date. I've known all along that I would eventually want to have romantic love in my life again. So, on everyone's advice, I joined a dating site and immediately started to get responses. I went out on date after date with absolutely no desire to see anyone a second time. After about six months of this disappointment, one after another, I met someone who I really enjoyed. He was smart, attentive and loved the arts. I finally felt like there might be hope for dating after all. We went out a number of times and I actively worked to be accepting of our differences. After all, he seemed to have the important qualities and the little annoying habits could be overlooked for a chance at love...couldn't they?

On our third date he brought me flowers. We went to town on the hunt for sheet music for an art project I was working on. We ended up at this cute restaurant for dinner and our conversations seemed to be going well. We walked around town a little, but it was cold and he had a flight to catch early the next morning. He was from out of town and had flown in to see me before he had to leave for business the next day. He made a reservation at a hotel in the town nearby, so he was just dropping me off. He came in for a few minutes and during that time we talked about what might be next. I was so nervous I felt like I might throw up. I kept checking in and asking myself what was going on. I liked this man and was attracted to him. The longer we talked, the more I realized that I was attracted, but no where near ready to progress our relationship because I wasn't fully attracted physically. We talked a bit more and I made a joke about the couple of things we would have to work out. I am not a super touchy feely person most of the time. He wanted to hold hands and be touching all the time. I also have never shared a bathroom. It was just something my late husband and I didn't have to do and it made it easier to each have our own. The look on my date's face when I commented on not sharing a bathroom was palpable in his disapproval.

He said, "I don't think I could be with someone who wouldn't share a bathroom with me." I laughed thinking he was kidding. But he didn't laugh. I said, "Oh, you're serious?" He said yes. That the two differences I mentioned were deal breakers. These were also not new information, so I was irritated instantly. I stood up and said I thought we were through here then. I didn't think there was anything left to talk about.

When he left I was a little mad. I was disappointed. I was sad. I had to figure out what all those emotions meant. When I dug into each one further, I knew that the anger was about fear of having wasted time and missed an opportunity with someone else who had also asked me out during this time. The disappointment was fear that everyone I went out with in the future would find me to be lacking in some way. The sadness was fear that I would always be alone.

I've learned over the years that most people's greatest fear is that they are not worthy, or that they are not enough, which makes them ultimately unlovable (in their own minds). I know these are my fears which culminate in the one that I will be alone forever. No matter what low energy emotions I feel, I can generally trace the root of them back to the fear of being alone.

If fear is one side of the coin, then love is the other. The difference is that a fear is one that we've created in our mind based on some invisible measurement of our personal value. Love on the other hand is one that we are grateful for and often don't feel like we deserve. I would argue that every person deserves to be fully and undeniably loved their whole lives.

There are two challenges when you realize that fear and love are the only two real emotions and that everything else is just a bi-product of those. The first challenge is to face the biggest fear you have and KNOW that you are in control of changing it if that is your desire. The second challenge is to recognize that you are worthy of love and create an energy that allows love into your life. We will dive further into the actual thought patterns, behavioral and energetic changes you can make to facilitate whatever phase of life you are in.